Oh, baby.

•November 21, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Tomorrow I’ll be 22 weeks pregnant.Whoa, Nellie. WHOA.

I’d pretty much given up getting, much less staying pregnant.We tried for nearly three years, with only one official, very early miscarriage to show for it. We didn’t go the drug route, but we did do IUI and so many different tests, plus acupuncture and herbs.

Every day is surreal. I’m so freaking happy, but I find myself dragging my heels when it comes to buying ANYTHING, registering- even cleaning out the room that will be the baby’s room. We aren’t finding out the gender, and probably are waiting until right before the baby comes to do anything with the room other than having the room cleaned out, painted and ready to decorate.

Work is being great about me taking time off after Baby J is born, but as a department head I am slightly nervous about leaving. I’m not the most organized person, and I need to light a fire under my own ass to be sure everything is covered and worry-free. At least I have great people working for me.

The weirdest thing for me is the fact that I don’t want to say much about the pregnancy to people. I was so sad for so long that it wasn’t happening for me that I don’t want anyone else feeling the same way. It’s an odd feeling, and of course, at times I just want to celebrate this. I do post pics to FB of the bump for my family and friends, scattered willy-nilly across the world, but I always have the thought that someone might be feeling the same pangs that I did upon seeing those shots, and it makes me feel sad.

I’m a little concerned that I haven’t felt the nesting bug, had any real cravings, or felt much other than tired and a little nauseous sometimes. Like I said before, it’s surreal.  My belly is round, the kicks are getting stronger and I still wake up surprised daily that it’s happening. I wonder how common these feelings are? My husband even bought me a fetal doppler unit so I could listen for the heartbeat after a recent doctor’s appointment, after she found the heartbeat and I blurted out, “Oh, thank God.”

Wow, such a serious post. Truly, I’m thrilled, it’s a blast, it has been fun and pretty easy and very interesting. We’re not sure what I’ll be able to swing for maternity leave, as my company doesn’t pay for that, but we’ll find a way to make it work, even with me as the primary breadwinner. I think the biggest, strangest thing is that we will be forced to grow up (at 37 and 41). I’m into it, I just wonder what it will mean.